Today I am in complete AWE of how I was Specially Educated.
Back in August my dad was diagnosed with Prostate Cancer. 4% of the sample they tested turned out to be cancerous. It's a miracle HOW we were informed of his cancer, but it was a blessing to find it so early, allowing him to have more time and options to consider what the next step would be.
A few weeks ago he had 12 more samples taken and sent out for testing. We were informed of three (I think?) possible outcomes: The cancer could have been removed in the previous surgery (where we found out about the cancer), he could go through Radiation Therapy, or could have his Prostate completely removed. Needless to say, the waiting hasn't been easy.
Yesterday, my mom and dad went for his appointment to find out what news they had for him. I'm beside myself with happiness to say that the option I almost completely discounted has become true: MY DAD IS CANCER FREE :) All 12 of the samples came back negative!
When they first told me about this I didn't cry at all, which is odd for me. I guess I feel that I wanted to be INFORMED about what I was crying over. I did have a dream that he had a heart attack that he didn't live through, and woke up sobbing.
Tonight, I was Specially Educated when I realized that I was more worried than I could have imagined, and I didn't know until relief washed over me so quickly and so strong that I couldn't hold back my tears anymore. I went to the bathroom and cried quietly, then wiped my face to come back into the living room where Dale was. When he asked what was wrong I completely lost it... I was sobbing with relief and fear... just the idea of my dad fighting something so unpredictable as the Big C humbles me. He has been so strong in keeping a great mindset and not letting it get him down. My mom has been so strong in supporting him. The two of them chose to tell us the news in such a promising, uplifting way and I couldn't appreciate them more for it. Today I learned that sometimes you just have to internalize what you're feeling, but that eventually it all catches up for you. I know that in my teaching sometimes I just have to laugh so that I don't cry, smile so that I don't scream, and shrug so that I don't throw an adult-sized child tantrum.
MY DAD IS CANCER FREE. I can't say that enough :)
Wednesday, November 16, 2011
Tuesday, November 15, 2011
"Oh, that would be gre.....WHAAAAAAAT???"
Today I was Specially Educated when my principal (who has been quoted saying, "I'm extremely uncomfortable and don't like being in the Special Ed rooms.) said to me today that he would love to help out in any way possible, even in deescalating a student when they're having a meltdown. When he said this, I was about shocked out of his office!!!! I was thinking, "Oh, that would be gre.....WHAAAAAAAT???"
SHOCKED.
I also learned that when a student kicks you and yells at you to "SHUT UP!!!" it kind of feels good to be the bad guy... I'm hoping after spending the entire day fighting with me, throwing his pencil at me AND/OR his peers, kicking me, screaming in my face, ripping things out of my hand... I'll stop the list there... maybe he's learned that behavior like that doesn't get him the results he wants.
Must. Be. Consistent.
I was supposed to be observed teaching tomorrow by my principal for the first time and (surprise) it was canceled... So much for my extra planning and work. Some other time, I guess.
SHOCKED.
I also learned that when a student kicks you and yells at you to "SHUT UP!!!" it kind of feels good to be the bad guy... I'm hoping after spending the entire day fighting with me, throwing his pencil at me AND/OR his peers, kicking me, screaming in my face, ripping things out of my hand... I'll stop the list there... maybe he's learned that behavior like that doesn't get him the results he wants.
Must. Be. Consistent.
I was supposed to be observed teaching tomorrow by my principal for the first time and (surprise) it was canceled... So much for my extra planning and work. Some other time, I guess.
Wednesday, November 9, 2011
Parent/Teacher Conferences
I have had 3/4 Parent/Teacher conferences already this week and I am (exhausted) thrilled with how they have gone :) The Speech Therapist was sitting in on my first EVER Conference as a real teacher and she said that "it's one of the best conferences she has sat in on" :) YES! I simply started with the positive: "Your child's strengths are...", moved on to IEP Goals: progress so far and if we have reached the goal yet, and finished with things we are currently working on/things to continue to work on.
The parents seem to respond well to my comments and ideas, and one set of parents (that I see regularly) even kindly asked me how things are going as a first year teaching, and reassured me that they are grateful for what I do every day with their son :)
My strep throat has seemed to clear up faster than I expected, but two of my kiddos were sick last week, plus my parapro and his wife and two kids ALSO have strep throat... seems to be going around. We sent home notes today about pink eye, so hopefully that one doesn't make its rounds in my room...... oh no!
This week I have been Specially Educated in realizing that no matter how unprepared and nervous I feel, the parents of my students KNOW their kids and know WHY they are in the Basic classroom. They are appreciative of anything I attempt to do to help their students progress emotionally, behaviorally, and academically, and I am increasingly grateful for having such supportive parents for my students. I am TRULY blessed in this classroom, and I only hope and pray for many more years right where I'm at!!!
The parents seem to respond well to my comments and ideas, and one set of parents (that I see regularly) even kindly asked me how things are going as a first year teaching, and reassured me that they are grateful for what I do every day with their son :)
My strep throat has seemed to clear up faster than I expected, but two of my kiddos were sick last week, plus my parapro and his wife and two kids ALSO have strep throat... seems to be going around. We sent home notes today about pink eye, so hopefully that one doesn't make its rounds in my room...... oh no!
This week I have been Specially Educated in realizing that no matter how unprepared and nervous I feel, the parents of my students KNOW their kids and know WHY they are in the Basic classroom. They are appreciative of anything I attempt to do to help their students progress emotionally, behaviorally, and academically, and I am increasingly grateful for having such supportive parents for my students. I am TRULY blessed in this classroom, and I only hope and pray for many more years right where I'm at!!!
Thursday, November 3, 2011
"Your life is an occasion. Rise to it." - Mr. Magorium's Wonder Emporium
If you have not seen this movie, you must. It's magical. Cuddling on the couch under the comforter with the hubby was the perfect end to a dreadful day (and that's a LOT of prepositional phrases in one sentence). This movie was just icing on the cake. He must have secretly known that I needed it.
Today Specially Educated me in a different way than I expected.
Dale Specially Educated me by unknowingly knowing just what I needed. A sweet, thoughtful movie that I love. A nice and easy cry. Cuddles. He's a new man to me every day and I love discovering new layers to him.
L Specially Educated me with the knowledge that I hope to NEVER see another booger again in my life after today... GROSS! Poor kiddo has been sick all week and his mom really toyed with the idea of keeping him home again today. I was SO excited to see him this morning! As the day progressed, the Gym teacher (maybe I should call her the Grinch?) alerted everyone she knew how horribly disgusting L is because after he attended gym class with his Gen Ed class, "there were boogers and snot ALL OVER the parachute..." The Music teacher tolerated him for about 5 minutes before sending him back because his fingers never left his nose. Poor sick kiddo. When I would catch him with his finger up his nose I would make him get a tissue. He then proceeded to place the tissue delicately over his finger, put it BACK up his nose, and pull it out slowly so as to make the booger stick to it (sorry, graphic?), stretch between his nose and the tissue, and then he would wiggle the tissue around in hopes to "make it fly out of his nose."
Boys.
At our last staff meeting (to backpedal a bit) R's Gen Ed teacher wondered out loud why he wasn't on her class list since he spends a lot of time in her room, so my principal decided to jump the gun and suggest he be moved to the Resource Room and told me to call the Special Ed Director (SED) to tell him we are thinking in that direction. Immediately the SED shot an email back saying, "When? Why? Who will observe him?" and I just thought UGH... it was an idea. Let's see.
Every Thursday the Special Ed Team for my school meets in my classroom at lunchtime to discuss "issues" with our caseload. Today, the Social Worker suggested that we discuss R (which made me forget what I REALLY wanted to share with the team...) so we did. The Special Ed Program Coordinator (if that's what her title is really called?) said that there is an unspoken rule, according to the SED, that kids on the Basic Room caseload should spend at least half the day in the Basic Classroom. I was completely unaware of this not-rule, and immediately felt like an idiot, and felt like I completely messed up. By following instructions by my immediate boss (the principal) I upset my more distant boss (SED), and was told that I should not have told the SED at all, and that the Special Ed Program Coordinator should have heard it first so as to avoid this fiasco. WELL. I must say, I wish these "unspoken rules" would have been SPOKEN to me, seeing as I'm new and make enough mistakes without being blindsided. Also, we of course had to discuss this "inadequacy" (in my words) in front of the entire team, which embarrassed/frustrated/disheartened me more. After Team I sent out an email to the Special Ed Program Coordinator and R's Gen Ed teacher saying that I apparently messed up, wished that I had been told sooner/in a private setting, and that I intend to fix it and learn to better support R in Gen Ed, whether or not it be in my room as a Quasi-Resource Room Teacher, or support him in the transition into the actual Resource Room.
This Specially Educated me into realizing that rather than step on the toes of administrators, the only appropriate thing to do is squash my OWN toes and bear the stress and frustration.
Today was almost the second day I cried at school. Three times during the day/right after school I teared up but decided to suck it up and deal with it like a big girl.
So... since my life is an occasion, I am stepping up to it and making it as magical as I can. Even though I'm frustrated.
Thank God for my wonderful husband, mentor (Joni), and the Social Worker for taking care of me and letting me be frustrated.
Today Specially Educated me in a different way than I expected.
Dale Specially Educated me by unknowingly knowing just what I needed. A sweet, thoughtful movie that I love. A nice and easy cry. Cuddles. He's a new man to me every day and I love discovering new layers to him.
L Specially Educated me with the knowledge that I hope to NEVER see another booger again in my life after today... GROSS! Poor kiddo has been sick all week and his mom really toyed with the idea of keeping him home again today. I was SO excited to see him this morning! As the day progressed, the Gym teacher (maybe I should call her the Grinch?) alerted everyone she knew how horribly disgusting L is because after he attended gym class with his Gen Ed class, "there were boogers and snot ALL OVER the parachute..." The Music teacher tolerated him for about 5 minutes before sending him back because his fingers never left his nose. Poor sick kiddo. When I would catch him with his finger up his nose I would make him get a tissue. He then proceeded to place the tissue delicately over his finger, put it BACK up his nose, and pull it out slowly so as to make the booger stick to it (sorry, graphic?), stretch between his nose and the tissue, and then he would wiggle the tissue around in hopes to "make it fly out of his nose."
Boys.
At our last staff meeting (to backpedal a bit) R's Gen Ed teacher wondered out loud why he wasn't on her class list since he spends a lot of time in her room, so my principal decided to jump the gun and suggest he be moved to the Resource Room and told me to call the Special Ed Director (SED) to tell him we are thinking in that direction. Immediately the SED shot an email back saying, "When? Why? Who will observe him?" and I just thought UGH... it was an idea. Let's see.
Every Thursday the Special Ed Team for my school meets in my classroom at lunchtime to discuss "issues" with our caseload. Today, the Social Worker suggested that we discuss R (which made me forget what I REALLY wanted to share with the team...) so we did. The Special Ed Program Coordinator (if that's what her title is really called?) said that there is an unspoken rule, according to the SED, that kids on the Basic Room caseload should spend at least half the day in the Basic Classroom. I was completely unaware of this not-rule, and immediately felt like an idiot, and felt like I completely messed up. By following instructions by my immediate boss (the principal) I upset my more distant boss (SED), and was told that I should not have told the SED at all, and that the Special Ed Program Coordinator should have heard it first so as to avoid this fiasco. WELL. I must say, I wish these "unspoken rules" would have been SPOKEN to me, seeing as I'm new and make enough mistakes without being blindsided. Also, we of course had to discuss this "inadequacy" (in my words) in front of the entire team, which embarrassed/frustrated/disheartened me more. After Team I sent out an email to the Special Ed Program Coordinator and R's Gen Ed teacher saying that I apparently messed up, wished that I had been told sooner/in a private setting, and that I intend to fix it and learn to better support R in Gen Ed, whether or not it be in my room as a Quasi-Resource Room Teacher, or support him in the transition into the actual Resource Room.
This Specially Educated me into realizing that rather than step on the toes of administrators, the only appropriate thing to do is squash my OWN toes and bear the stress and frustration.
Today was almost the second day I cried at school. Three times during the day/right after school I teared up but decided to suck it up and deal with it like a big girl.
So... since my life is an occasion, I am stepping up to it and making it as magical as I can. Even though I'm frustrated.
Thank God for my wonderful husband, mentor (Joni), and the Social Worker for taking care of me and letting me be frustrated.
Wednesday, November 2, 2011
Special Throw-Up ;)
Some days I sit down and it's hard to make all of my thoughts into a streamlined, understandable idea. So...... here is my day. It's like I'm throwing up ideas ;) It's like breakfast/lunch/dinner bits everywhere!
No L today :( Again. Super sad and super anxious... Parent/Teacher conferences are next week and I have a PILE of assessments that his Gen Ed teacher wants me to get done with him before conferences, but so far this week I have had no little boy to assess!!!!!
Today I feel I was Specially Educated because I again realize that every moment is teachable, and that at any moment, each of my kiddos is going to try to control a situation to come out the way he wants it to. Eek! For example...
M is still making up rules (in his head) at recess and getting ticked when whoever is playing with him does it "wrong". He is SO language impaired that when I asked him, "Don't you think it is nicer to ask politely for something rather than yelling at someone?" and he replied with, "No." So I continued with, "Do you like it when other kids yell at you and don't want to play with you?" with which he replied, "Yes!" Ugh... In this situation, he is NOT trying to control everything. I realized that (unfortunately) M doesn't even understand what the word Nice means. Teach, teach, teach! I wish I could record or take a picture of every moment during the day so that I could label it for M, so when in a similar situation I can pull out those words and pictures and explain something better. If only, right?
R, who I never get to see anymore because he is in Gen Ed so much (YAY!) seems to always find a way to manipulate the system. He seems to talk his way out of projects in Gen Ed so that he can attend more Specials with our class instead of doing his work (which is a new schedule we transitioned him into recently). Today, instead of starting a book report, his Gen Ed teacher suggested he come to our Computer Lab instead, which frustrated me to begin with. When we go to the Computer Lab, I have the boys play on www.abcya.com for 10-15 minutes so that they get SOMETHING educational out of the screen time. Well, R thinks this is the worst, stupidest idea (yes, he told me this in other words) that he's ever heard of, and grumbles the whole time, incessantly asking when he can switch to Free Choice. Today, he kept shouting, "Oh my God!" After the second time, I asked him to stop saying that because it was inappropriate for school. We went over what WOULD be appropriate instead: "Oh no!", "Oh my gosh!", etc. When he continued to say it, I said that he would have to speak appropriately to stay in the computer lab with us, which turned his attitude around. Once back in my classroom, he saw that he earned Gold Star Prize for being on Gold level. He chose a squishy material ball that you play with in the water, put it to his mouth, looked me directly in the eyes, and shouted, "OH MY GOD!" I was frustrated, asked him why he said this, and he couldn't come up with an answer. My take is that when I controlled the Computer Lab situation (having them play educational games), he felt the need to control something else by shouting something I deemed inappropriate. I realize now that I was reacting to this statement, which is what he wanted, but I learned from it.
Tomorrow is a new day.
Hopefully L will be back. I actually miss him :)
No L today :( Again. Super sad and super anxious... Parent/Teacher conferences are next week and I have a PILE of assessments that his Gen Ed teacher wants me to get done with him before conferences, but so far this week I have had no little boy to assess!!!!!
Today I feel I was Specially Educated because I again realize that every moment is teachable, and that at any moment, each of my kiddos is going to try to control a situation to come out the way he wants it to. Eek! For example...
M is still making up rules (in his head) at recess and getting ticked when whoever is playing with him does it "wrong". He is SO language impaired that when I asked him, "Don't you think it is nicer to ask politely for something rather than yelling at someone?" and he replied with, "No." So I continued with, "Do you like it when other kids yell at you and don't want to play with you?" with which he replied, "Yes!" Ugh... In this situation, he is NOT trying to control everything. I realized that (unfortunately) M doesn't even understand what the word Nice means. Teach, teach, teach! I wish I could record or take a picture of every moment during the day so that I could label it for M, so when in a similar situation I can pull out those words and pictures and explain something better. If only, right?
R, who I never get to see anymore because he is in Gen Ed so much (YAY!) seems to always find a way to manipulate the system. He seems to talk his way out of projects in Gen Ed so that he can attend more Specials with our class instead of doing his work (which is a new schedule we transitioned him into recently). Today, instead of starting a book report, his Gen Ed teacher suggested he come to our Computer Lab instead, which frustrated me to begin with. When we go to the Computer Lab, I have the boys play on www.abcya.com for 10-15 minutes so that they get SOMETHING educational out of the screen time. Well, R thinks this is the worst, stupidest idea (yes, he told me this in other words) that he's ever heard of, and grumbles the whole time, incessantly asking when he can switch to Free Choice. Today, he kept shouting, "Oh my God!" After the second time, I asked him to stop saying that because it was inappropriate for school. We went over what WOULD be appropriate instead: "Oh no!", "Oh my gosh!", etc. When he continued to say it, I said that he would have to speak appropriately to stay in the computer lab with us, which turned his attitude around. Once back in my classroom, he saw that he earned Gold Star Prize for being on Gold level. He chose a squishy material ball that you play with in the water, put it to his mouth, looked me directly in the eyes, and shouted, "OH MY GOD!" I was frustrated, asked him why he said this, and he couldn't come up with an answer. My take is that when I controlled the Computer Lab situation (having them play educational games), he felt the need to control something else by shouting something I deemed inappropriate. I realize now that I was reacting to this statement, which is what he wanted, but I learned from it.
Tomorrow is a new day.
Hopefully L will be back. I actually miss him :)
Tuesday, November 1, 2011
Rollercoaster Tuesday
M came in today (after missing school yesterday) just as cheery as usual. He's always quick to bring a smile to my face shouting, "Hello! I am here!" when he walks through my classroom door.
This joy was brought to a quick, immediate stop when he saw the word "November" posted in various places around the room. He then came to this conclusion: It CANNOT be November because I did not get to wear my costume to school. Randomly throughout the day M would lose it, melting down about the fact that it can't be November now because October 31 means he gets to be part of the Costume Parade, and we have a Halloween party, but he wasn't there for it. He couldn't rationalize that the day was gone and over, and couldn't be brought back.
M was just in a funk all day since that. At recess he started screaming at Mr. G for kicking the football instead of tossing it to him (apparently M's rules are that Mr. G tosses it and M kicks it back, and that Mr. G is NOT allowed to kick it), and then when Mr. G tossed it to him and M missed catching it, he started screaming AGAIN that Mr. G was being mean and that he wasn't playing correctly. The language impairment really got in his way because he just couldn't rationalize that there were no set rules to the game, as well as the idea that Mr. G did not throw the ball too far on purpose just to make M miss. Ugh.
Sadly, L was not at school again today. I'm hoping to see his sweet little face in the morning.
This morning I was Specially Educated when going to my first official meeting with the mother of a student, the social worker, caseworker, therapist, and someone who I am not sure of her profession. I learned that some times the right thing to do is not what you think is best for the student, and you have to do your best to be a professional rather than fighting against something that you fear will be detrimental to a student. I want to believe that people can change (which is why I am in this profession; to help my students become more than others believe they can) but the past is giving me cause to be extremely concerned. Prayer and documentation will help to make the right situation for the child, and hopefully things will work out the way they are supposed to.
This was a hard lesson to learn.
This joy was brought to a quick, immediate stop when he saw the word "November" posted in various places around the room. He then came to this conclusion: It CANNOT be November because I did not get to wear my costume to school. Randomly throughout the day M would lose it, melting down about the fact that it can't be November now because October 31 means he gets to be part of the Costume Parade, and we have a Halloween party, but he wasn't there for it. He couldn't rationalize that the day was gone and over, and couldn't be brought back.
M was just in a funk all day since that. At recess he started screaming at Mr. G for kicking the football instead of tossing it to him (apparently M's rules are that Mr. G tosses it and M kicks it back, and that Mr. G is NOT allowed to kick it), and then when Mr. G tossed it to him and M missed catching it, he started screaming AGAIN that Mr. G was being mean and that he wasn't playing correctly. The language impairment really got in his way because he just couldn't rationalize that there were no set rules to the game, as well as the idea that Mr. G did not throw the ball too far on purpose just to make M miss. Ugh.
Sadly, L was not at school again today. I'm hoping to see his sweet little face in the morning.
This morning I was Specially Educated when going to my first official meeting with the mother of a student, the social worker, caseworker, therapist, and someone who I am not sure of her profession. I learned that some times the right thing to do is not what you think is best for the student, and you have to do your best to be a professional rather than fighting against something that you fear will be detrimental to a student. I want to believe that people can change (which is why I am in this profession; to help my students become more than others believe they can) but the past is giving me cause to be extremely concerned. Prayer and documentation will help to make the right situation for the child, and hopefully things will work out the way they are supposed to.
This was a hard lesson to learn.
HalloWHAT??
Sunday I spent hours in the kitchen making lots of Halloween goodies for my kiddos to eat at our Halloween party at school. Well... only 2 of the 4 kiddos showed up, and all they wanted to eat was the candy... bummed. I did get to try out my Ms. Frizzle costume, and at least THAT went over well! I even had a parent figure out who I was :)
I really enjoyed R dressed as an Angry Bird and seeing C dressed as Bumblebee from Transformers :) At least they enjoyed themselves! R, who was afraid of the gym before this year, even came with us to the "Haunted Music Room" in the gym, though he was really uneasy the whole time. Little gains :)
Overall, I was a little disappointed that L's mom kept him home and that M was sick, but I'm getting over it.
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